Assalam alaikum. Hello
There's a "Help Aalia Fund" in the upper right corner of my blog- raising money for the plane tickets from Canada to the UAE for Aalia. The original idea belongs to Ange.
It's sad and weird to witness the situation of Aalia. Just over a year ago she was a young cheerful woman happily married to a good Gulf man from the UAE. It seemed she had everything: a loving, caring husband - a good Muslim man, an adorable son, enthusiastic plans for the bright future- studying, making some career, having more children with that man. And now she faces a life crash. That's how it is for many foreign wives in case of a divorce in the Gulf. Of course, a divorce in any country can be a life crash for everybody involved. Yet, foreign wives are particularly vulnerable here.
A local woman - she has her own family clan that is ready to support her in difficult times. In case of a divorce she'd have a place to live (her parent's house), she'd be taken care of. An ex husband would provide for the children's needs. Some pension could be granted from the government to support a divorced woman. Most of the time the children would be living with their local mother until older (boys till the age of 5-7 and girls till puberty or longer), if the mother does not remarry. In case she remarries- the children go to live to their father's house.
When a foreign wife is divorced in the Gulf- often she simply looses everything. A foreign woman does not have her family here to support her, she's like an orphan and has to rely on herself alone. In case of Aalia- there's no one to turn for help to. When she accepted Islam her own Canadian family turned away from her. Her husband was everything for her, substituted for the whole family. Now when divorced, she's on her own. And without her only son, whom she breastfeeded for 2 years, who's still small and very much in need of her. ِAt least till the age of 6, mother's presence is crucial for the harmonious development of a child's personality...
When married, a foreign wife resides in the Gulf country on a residence visa under her husband's sponsorship. If divorced, she looses the right to stay in the country... And the children who have local citizenship- naturally stay in their homeland.
The situation is difficult. I just hope Aalia would be able to get back to the Emirates before her residence visa expires (Dec 1st 2010), and consult UAE lawyers, maybe there's still some hope and a way out...
What needs to be taken into consideration is that just like it's horrible to deprive a mother of her son, so it is horrible to deprive a father of his child as well. Just like a mother can't imagine another woman raising her child, so does a father can't imagine another man raising his child. A child needs a father in his life. Just like Aalia loves her son, so does her ex husband loves his son and wishes the best for him.
I also hope that any woman considering marrying a Gulf man/Muslim man/ foreign man- should be careful and have some back up plan in case of emergency- it could be an education, a profession in demand, that could guarantee her an income in the future, that would mean she'd be able to provide for herself and her children if needed. Women also should not be shy to stipulate a considerable compensation sum of money, a house or a flat in case of a divorce in their marriage contract or some other conditions... I just hate it when foreign convert girls/Muslim girls from poorer countries are taken advantage of by some Gulf men - there's no big mahr for her, no compensation in case of a divorce mentioned in the marriage contract, no gold or other presents (or much less) that would be given to a local bride, and the worst of all- children taken away if divorced.
From me:(Stacy)
I can't imagine as a mother being separated from my own young child. My heart breaks for Aalia and other mothers that are forced into similar situations. If you can help, please do so that she is able to have a say in her son's life as he grows up. Another woman can never love her son in the same way that she does.
I just pray that this all works out and that she is able to see her son grow up and have a strong relationship with him.
7 comments:
salaam alaikum,
I think its horrible that her son is being kept from her. I do not know the whole situation so I dont know why he was taken from her,but inshaaLLAH she will be with him again soon. If her ex really is a nice muslim brother he should do everything in his power to make sure his child is reunited with his mother instead of depriving the child of her. Its sad how a lot of muslim brothers are influenced by their families and follow culture instead of islam.
good idea to post this up sis, but the original idea is actually from Sakeenah
@Skye, Thanks for that. Yes, the original credit goes to Sakeenah. She is the 1st one who cared enough to actually do something. I pray that she will be rewarded for her efforts.
@Rene, Exactly, this doesn't happen to every woman who marries a man from UAE or any other country. Every person has the opportunity to do what is right and he sadly is choosing not to :-(
That's so sad, I've seen it happen with the husbands where they take the kids away out of spite, or because they think it's better for them to be with them instead of the mom ... I can't even imagine how it would feel to have your kids kept from you. :(
Oh ... this news crashes my heart.
I think that in some cases the child might be better with the father.
In this case,we only have very few indications of why the father made this decision.I've been reading this young woman's blog,and I have to be truthful and say,she has made very bad decisions,running off etc..
Her being unstable might be the reason the child is now with his father.Fathers also have the right to care for their child.Before taking sides and judging this man,it would be appropriate to know the whole circumstances that lead to this situation.
At the end this child deserves to be a raised in a loving stable environment, mother or father can provide that.
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